Based on the very cool They Fight Crime! by Andrew Wheeler & Alasdair Watson, this is a Perl re-write of their JavaScript so I could use it for my email signatures.

"He's a suave umbrella-wielding paranormal investigator looking for a cure to the poison coursing through his veins. She's a ditzy winged socialite with the power to bend men's minds. They fight crime!"

Another "they fight crime!"

fight_crime.pl.txt