Based on the very cool They Fight Crime! by Andrew Wheeler & Alasdair Watson, this is a Perl re-write of their JavaScript so I could use it for my email signatures.

"He's a suicidal crooked waffle chef who believes he can never love again. She's a manipulative tempestuous magician's assistant with the soul of a mighty warrior. They fight crime!"

Another "they fight crime!"

fight_crime.pl.txt