Based on the very cool They Fight Crime! by Andrew Wheeler & Alasdair Watson, this is a Perl re-write of their JavaScript so I could use it for my email signatures.

"He's a fast talking Republican photographer on a search for his missing sister. She's a mistrustful bisexual schoolgirl on her way to prison for a murder she didn't commit. They fight crime!"

Another "they fight crime!"

fight_crime.pl.txt