Based on the very cool They Fight Crime! by Andrew Wheeler & Alasdair Watson, this is a Perl re-write of their JavaScript so I could use it for my email signatures.

"He's a scrappy pirate paranormal investigator who dotes on his loving old ma. She's a strong-willed punk pearl diver from a different time and place. They fight crime!"

Another "they fight crime!"

fight_crime.pl.txt