Based on the very cool They Fight Crime! by Andrew Wheeler & Alasdair Watson, this is a Perl re-write of their JavaScript so I could use it for my email signatures.

"He's a suicidal umbrella-wielding paramedic from the 'hood. She's a time-travelling gold-digging doctor with an evil twin sister. They fight crime!"

Another "they fight crime!"

fight_crime.pl.txt